Yuhuuuuuu................time to get lunch, but better for me get lunch at my desk, give me chance to write again....... but the food hasn't come yet.............
mmmmhhhhhh.............I was thought about the travelling plan, it might be really nice, unforgetable.........I hope so......semoga tidak ada halangan........
Aku mau cuti buat liburan, sekalian mau menghadiri suatu acara di Yogya and Tanjung Pinang......
haaa......Tanjung Pinang??!!........Tanjung Pinang gitu loohhhhhh.........ini tempat dimana aku bisa ketemu sama "the guy" yang menjadi topik pembicaraanku disini.........
So.....what gitu loohhhh.......(hey pitta, tell me you r not really consider to meet him!!!, mmmhhh......I hope not, no plan to meet him, and why should I meet him...........
oh come on my heart, don't play with me, pls never temptating me again, I'm already ok!!!
Ok, ready to continue the story!!!
Setelah gua ngamuk itu, 3 hari aku gak terima SMS dari dia, dan aku juga gak SMS dia, and it makes me happy, I thank God, mudah2an ini bisa mengakhiri semuanya........
Then......but then..........in Friday of that week, his message comes again...........gosh.....dia tanya kemana aja, kenapa gak SMS.............suddenly my heart becomes devide into 2 sides, one side feels happy and the others feel "Oh my God, pls don't, I'm not feel good with this thing"
After that day, the messages always come and come and come and come again.......again......again.........pagi, siang............sore...........malaaaaaaammmmmmmmm...........pagi lagi........
And on that period, I always pray in a special occasion, "God, let me make it flow like the water, I don't know what u want from me, I always ask u to get him lost out of my mind and my life, but he still comes, Jesus I'm just waiting for your plan, but I beg U pls take care of my heart, I can't stand on my feet anymore to get over him"
It's really kind of a big problem for me, but really I'm not lying, it's the truth, I tell all the truth, the fact.......
And maybe u Jo read this, believe me that it's really hard for me, u know that...........but u not yet get the point, just wait, read and see all.......
Situasi itu berjalan terus seperti itu, dan I let it flow, and try to struggle all the way from my heart, u know, my heart said maybe u really love him, don't lie it, but I always don't wanna believe it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Sampai akhirnya dia harus cuti, pulang ke Tanjung Pandan untuk jemput keluarganya (he got a chinese lady, and got 2 beautiful daughters), we still chat by the messages, and after he arrived he told me too that he has arrived in fact I never asked it and he ever call me too from the Wartel, in fact I never send him the messages again...........but for godsake I'm really terribly missing him, I can't lie I miss him so much that time..........
but I ran the week just with pray and my pipo's hug, I never send messages again, him too, until the weekend he call me and tell me pls not to messages him again coz takut istrinya marah..................alright........aku udah melakukan itu sebelumnya, dan dalam seminggu itu aku juga gak message dia, kenapa dia harus bilang lagi seperti itu, kalaupun ada message itu karena dia yang message duluan, aku hanya sekedar jawab messagenya, so pleaseeeeeeee................be fair!!!!! (Ini juga yang pada akhirnya nanti membentuk point yang meyakinkan aku akan satu hal!!)
Sebelum dia berangkat kembali ke Tanjung Pinang dengan membawa keluarganya, dia juga sempat telpon aku dari wartel (I really don't want it, look, aku udah gak SMS, aku gak telpon dia, tapi dia telpon, maybe dia telpon yang lain juga, tapi udahlah kenapa aku juga di telpon, kan udah cukup dia kutemani dengan SMS selama dia pisah dari istrinya, apa lagi, disamping itu aku gak mau messages dia atau suara dia mengembalikan apa yang sedang aku rasakan terhadap dia, aku ingin healing, aku mau sembuh being addictif from him)
Dan yang paling parah, aku gak mau dia menganggap dengan pernyataanku terdahulu aku benar2 mau memiliki dia, mau mengganggu dia, karena aku juga gak pernah selama kami SMS an menyinggung hal itu lagi.................
Setelah dia kembali ke Tanjung Pinang, aku bahkan tidak lagi berniat SMS dia, dan SMS dia pun mulai jarang untuk siang hari, kalau untuk malam hari so pasti kan ada SATPAM nya sih.........
Bahkan sampai Natal pun aku tidak SMS dia (waktu itu aku di Jakarta), dia sih telpon aku, tapi aku sengaja nggak angkat, aku gak mau lagi, tapi Seninnya aku tetap bales pake SMS, sekedar menghargai.......
After that, semuanya dingin, dan aku merasakan ketidakadilan menjadi nyata.......................
Terus terang aku kangen banget sama dia, tapi bukan berarti aku menginginkan situasinya sama seperti waktu dia tidak bersama keluarganya, aku juga bisa memahami, tapi adilkah buat aku, sepanjang dia sendiri di Tanjung Pinang, we always chat by messages day by day.............sampai situasi itu membentuk satu perasaan yang sangat menyakitkan aku karena disamping menyayanginya aku juga menghindarinya............
tapi pada saat dia sudah bersama keluarganya, dia sama sekali tidak perduli that in the past couple months there was me.................
aku merasakan, really feel that everything has change......but why should change???? kenapa dia harus takut ya dengan istrinya kalau memang tidak ada apa2???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I think if there was nothing, there was really nothing, why should be change or changed??? Nottin' has to be changed.........kenapa rasa kedekatan yang ada dulu bisa hilang, but that was what has happened.............
Dalam suatu kesempatan I called him, I need his help berkaitan dengan perjalanan aku ke Tanjung Pinang, but everything has change, his voice, his speak, his intention............for me........
Di satu sisi aku menyesalkan hal itu, tapi disisi lain aku mensyukurinya, karena masa dimana kami tidak pernah berkomunikasi lagi is time for healing me from all the terrible feeling that always hurt me............
Is it work out????????????????!!
To Be Continued!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment