DEFLATED

Such a cloudy day! Cold! But thank God my brain still warm, full of plan, job, live, home stuff, travel plan......bla..bla..bla..

Yeahh....I'm gonna take a travel again, if everything's going smooth obviously on August!

That's why last Friday I called Jo, just to asked him somehow I don't know about the place, cause I will take a trip to Tanjung Pandan..........his hometown.....

First I sent him messages, asking about the hotel, and he answered some, but exactly he answered with another question, and such a suspicious question I guess.............

I can take it as a usual thing..........but you know, rather uncomfortable.....

Maybe he suspected me wanna know something about his stuff in Tanjung Pandan, or somekind like that.......really "NO", why should I, I have nothing to do about that........

But ok lah, maybe better for me to speak with him directly by phone.........

and then I called him, the first ok there is no problem......

but then.......I just asked him something I wanna know about that town, I did the same thing when I went to Yogyakarta, Semarang, Bandung, and Tanjung Pinang last couple months......and all my friends answered it without any comment, without asking why, without murmuring, so why should he..........

What the reason gitu loohhhh......it's just answering a question, not really a hard work I guess, but why should he tell me "no need to ask that, just come, and you'll find the town, you can ask everyone.........."

Yeahh.....I know that, I can ask everyone, that's why I ask him, cause I know nobody there......

I just wanna know for sure the situation from his answer all about that town before I arriving the town........but what have I got??!!

After that, all I wanna do is shout in front of his face.........

But, ok........that's such a nice try to me..........we draw, 1-1

I knew already this whole time, that he is such a smug guy..............

I really in hesitate that time when calling him, aku takut dia berpikiran aku punya maksud2 tertentu (sehubungan dengan perasaanku ke dia), aku takut dia anggap aku hanya cari perhatiannya, aku takut dia anggap aku mau ganggu dia, but I should call him, cause nobody I can ask for this time........and the hesitate answered.......

I didn't wanna find any problem with him again, I didn't wanna get anger with him again, cause I really have no right for that, I have nothing to do about that........it's not really good I guess if I did something bad to him, cause we're just friend ......andddd....I'm really nobody to make something bad to him, but sometimes I can't hang on with him......

it's not really the same again like the old day when we were in a good communication.........

I wonder how we made it so nicely at that time, but not a chance for now on............

and I know it's all about the burden I avoid with strong enough.......

If there is a good chance for me to speak with him, I wish I got the best topic to speak, simultanously with the mood........

kalo bisa aku ingin mengesampingkan perasaan tersinggung atas cara bicaranya, atau apalah itu, dan menganggap itu angin lalu, but I'm afraid I can't.......I always offended with his way, don't know why........

Tapi mungkin sikapnya seperti itu layak buatku, karena aku juga cukup "jahat" sama dia, aku selalu gak angkat telpon dari dia, atau mungkin karena aku sering kurang merespon perkataan dia padahal sebenarnya dia ingin ceritakan, gak taulah........atau bahkan karena aku selalu mengeluarkan kata2 marah buat dia.........wajar kali ya........

Tapi aku yakin dia sudah tau kenapa aku bersikap seperti itu, karena semuanya sudah aku ceritakan di blog ini, dan berdasarkan smsnya waktu aku cuti kemaren, dia bilang blogku hebat banget......berarti dia udah baca dong.....dan dengan membaca blogku mungkin dia bisa mengerti kenapa aku seperti itu........bukan untuk berniat jahat, atau berniat tidak baik sama dia.......it's not such an amusement for me......

Ntar kalo aku mencoba bermanis2 lagi ke dia, aku takut dia mengira aku punya maksud2 tertentu, atau pingin mencari perhatian, atau mau mengganggu dia.........

Kadang2....bukan kadang2 sih, pastinya aku selalu serba salah..........

Tapi kalo emang benar dia bersikap begitu karena sikap burukku sama dia.......yahhh let it be like thatlah.......

I JUST DON'T WANNA GET ANY PROBLEM WITH YOU GUY! WHAT EVER IT IS!

Why we can't be so nice again like the old day.........

The answer are all in this blog!! Get through it!!